And then just when you feel secure in your happiness and gratitude, things are beginning to happen that are slowly but surely spelling out, like giant writing on the wall, “time for growth”! Suddenly, challenges appear from nightmares at work to balance issues to technical problems, and I find myself hurt, wanting to withdraw, weepy, and at the same time knowing that I’m capable of dealing with this and that there’s some big new lesson in there, as there always is.
Dang it, why doesn’t growth come in nice, little, digestible portions to be enjoyed at one’s leisure?
I know I’ll benefit from all this in the end, so don’t worry about me – although right now, I wish there was a way to fast-forward to that end. There’s not much to do apart from tuning in, trying to dig through the emotions to my deep inner voice, which has never yet got it wrong, and giving myself lots of self-care and take things day by day by day. And of course, share it here! First of all, it always feels better if you wonderful people of my tribe know what is going on. Secondly, I know everyone goes through growth periods and very often they are associated with growing pains, so I’m sure you can relate.
Not everything is bleak of course. My life is far too blessed, and the golden magic glow too strong, to ever become completely eclipsed for long. I am having such lovely conversations with my budgies these days; even Tia has very recently (after 6 years!!) relaxed a little and sometimes doesn’t withdraw to the furthest corner of the aviary when I’m in front of it. Sometimes she stays on a perch close to the front, and she even relaxed, fluffed up, and closed her eyes at me a few times, which is so deeply touching and heartwarming coming from a panicky bird like her.
The geek in me is looking forward to Friday and Saturday this week when BlizzCon is happening, the great gathering of fans of the online game I play, plus several others produced by the same company. We are expecting a number of great announcements of future developments this year and I treated myself to a “virtual ticket” which means I’ll be able to watch a live stream of the goings-on whilst tucked away at home with a mug of tea and my budgies for company. It’ll be great!
Yet another first result of my growing pains is that I might, just might have an idea of how to actually specialise as a coach. It’s something I didn’t want to do initially, mostly because I wanted to explore all directions at first. I’m also not in the “expert business” because I believe in coaching over advice, and I love interacting with people too much to “automise” my business. But having a niche specialisation still doesn’t hurt. I just wanted it to come to me naturally, and now that it’s starting to suggest itself it’s a little funny to think how long it took when it’s so obvious.
Even the name of my coaching business (Gentle Miracles Coaching) suggests it: I’m a coach specialising in Highly Sensitive People like myself! A lot of my current challenges have to do with the fact I’m highly sensitive. I’m able to handle pressure, but I fold under human malevolence and animosity. My coach is incredibly helpful working through the crap and towards what’s really going on – and incidentally, doing that for my clients has always been my greatest strength, so why not do more of it? I’ll think about it and make it happen.
So you see, the gift in the challenge is already becoming visible. More’s to follow, I’m sure of it.