It’s Winter, And I Like Men

It’s mum-pyjama time. I call them that because mum gave them to me, oh, about 12 or 15 years ago? and they are made of terry cloth, very unsexy and out-of-this-world comfortable. It feels like sleeping in a cloud.

I also spend my evenings in baggy leggings and sweaters and oversized woolly PINK socks. If I wasn’t pagan, I’d say it’s heaven on earth! And all this is happening because winter has finally arrived in Ireland, we’ve had a couple of cold days and actual minus temperatures (that’s Celsius) at night. And heck, only my budgies can see me, and thankfully they don’t give a toss about what I’m wearing, just as long as it’s not some large hat that scares them.

This is one of the advantages of living on my own! And you know, I’ve been thinking about that lately, and had a few lovely conversations with friends.

Many people who don’t know me well, make assumptions because I’m not in a relationship and living alone. It’s really tiring sometimes to explain because apparently, I’m a very unusual case. So I patiently repeat any or all of the following: That I have had a number of happy relationships in my life, that I absolutely adore men and think they’re amazing, that I love people and am surrounded by love so don’t feel lonely ever, that I enjoy being on my own, and that I really, truly do not want a relationship. I’m not in one because I CHOOSE not to be.

That latter point seems to baffle people the most. There are many singles but don’t they all long for romance? Well, no, they don’t. And it’s not because I’ve been “hurt” or “haven’t met the right guy”. As they say, it’s not him, it’s me. I have several reasons why I’m much much happier living on my own, or rather, with feathered housemates rather than human ones, and seeing people on my own terms and time (being a very light sleeper is just one of them).

It’s true. I am NOT looking for romance, and there’s no sinister reason for it.

Could this change in the future? I imagine it could. I’m open to change on principle. But do I WANT it to change? Not particularly.

Apart from the personal freedom and balance I’m enjoying, I also love appreciating men just for the sake of it. It may sound silly from a heterosexual woman, that I “like men”. Of course I like them, right? But I don’t mean the drooling-over kind of liking, and I believe that many people like the opposite sex (or whatever sex they’re attracted to) mostly because of the drool-factor. Actually LIKING them for who they are? That’s something I, at least, had to discover. And I love what I’ve discovered. Men are great.

These days, I am capable of feeling such love and warmth for my male friends, more than ever before because it is NOT sexual/romantic love and warmth. It’s something that’s really enriching my life.

Funnily enough, it also makes meeting new male friends a little difficult. Like I said before, most people assume that a single woman my age must be looking for romance. And so, when I meet a guy I really click with, one of two things happens: Either he’s attracted to me and begins to pursue me in a way that becomes very awkward very soon – because it’s not what I want. Or, he isn’t attracted to me and therefore never gets in touch because he likes me but doesn’t want to hurt my assumed feelings. Ironically, by doing so, he does hurt my feelings – of friendship! Gaaaaah.

But that’s a minor hiccup and I can deal with it. I’m a happy hag. And I still believe that love is great and am a big fan of my happily coupled-up friends, because liking something in another person doesn’t always mean wanting it for oneself. 

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10 thoughts on “It’s Winter, And I Like Men

  1. This is most likely a residual of times when women were not considered friends, but housekeepers, sex-partners and wives. I was friends with several men from UK who made a move and then completely rejected me when I suggested our friendship was enough. I got excuses like, 'the Mrs would not understand' or 'sorry i was actually interested in more than that' and when I'd go home and cry because my friends did not want my friendship, no one was there to explain to me what was going on. I'm sure that if I was used to living on my own and I had an active social life close to a city, I might be very happy with my animal friends. But I am deeply entrenched in family ties and couldn't live without the friendship of my husband. If I were to suddenly be on my own, I'd be afraid at night and so lonely I'd probably end up staying in someone's stall nights just to have some creatures near by. 🙂 This is an excellent topic with many bits of interest to discuss! I believe that it may be easier to be friends with men in various other cultures Sibylle, I'm not sure about it, but it seems so from my perspective. Long live beautiful people like you who can live happily with feathered friends!

  2. Knowing your story and history, I absolutely love to see how happy you are with your husband. That's an obvious example of how right a relationship can be!

    I relate to the feelings of hurt when men reject a friendship just because it is what it is and not more. Funnily enough, I never used to have this problem – I have several men in my life that I've been friends with for years and decades, and we've only ever been friends. It's only in recent years that I've run into awkwardness.

  3. I feel with you Sibylle. I have quite the same experience with them. It's hard to make freindship cuz they always get it wrong. 😦
    And I'm also happier alone 😉 enjoying my own peace and harmony.

    Take care 🙂 hugs

  4. And here's one more thing we have in common! Let's just be grateful that there are some who do get it, and are wonderful to have around 🙂
    Much love!!

  5. Dear Sibylle, you are not alone, I could have written this, I am truely a happy single woman! Not looking for a man. Open to it, but if I stay single for the rest of my life, I would be happy as well. I really enjoy my own company and don't feel that I need someone else to complete my life. Unfortunately I had to break up a friendship with a male friend because he expected more out of our friendship, even though I have been clear from the beginning. This is always difficult. Friendship between men and women, or so it seems in my life. Even though they say it is not a problem it always ends up being a problem as they do seem to want more in the end.
    Oh well…

    Love x
    Charissa

  6. I do understand what you mean, I have run into that kind of situation myself. But I also know men who I've always been friends with and never anything else, and it's never been a problem. They are out there, we just need to find them! Maybe that's my issue at the moment as well, and not the age at all 🙂

    Much love! xx

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