The Break-Up

There comes a time when you have to face the truth and break up. Let go. Go your own way. 

I just broke up with the last 10 years of my life. 

How does that work? 

Well, I made the decision that I’m no longer broke (which I’m demonstrably not) and that I’ll stop acting like I am. It’s not so easy, you know. It becomes a habit. Add to that the fact that I still have next to no disposable income, and the habit becomes even harder to break – although these days I’m skint because I save rigorously for the deposit on my own hag cottage. It’s by choice, and that makes all the difference in the world. 

When I went bankrupt, I had no choice – I remember going to the supermarket and having to buy food for a week with less than 5 Euro (it’s possible. Thank the gods I REALLY like potatoes). My bankruptcy taught me all the things I DON’T need, all the things that are expendable and only seem “necessary” because we are so danged spoilt in our Western world of plenty. It also finally, finally make me learn about finances and MANAGE my money. I’ll be forever grateful for the lessons. 

But there’s a difference between living simply and denying oneself absolutely everything that’s not strictly necessary for survival. And that’s where the above-mentioned decision came in. You know I don’t believe in co-incidences, and so I think it was wonderful timing that at that moment, the wonderful Yiye offered a free ecourse on “Manifesting Money with Joy” (you HAVE to do that course! Seriously, sign up for it NOW) which gave me some amazing extra impulses.

One of them was to buy a new wallet. Yes, really! Mine was over 20 years old and ragged around the edges but heck, it was functional, and I had so many better things to spend money on for so long… -At Yiye’s suggestion in the course, I went on a quest one day and brought home in triumph the wallet you see in the picture above. I’m in LOVE with it! My money has a much more cheerful home now. 

Next came my wardrobe. I’ve never kept more clothes than I need, but I was still wearing some very old clothes (by necessity – because for so long, I had no money to buy any). This time, I did a radical blitz and donated or threw out anything older than a few years and anything I wasn’t wearing anymore. 

It was scary. There’s almost nothing left. I hyperventilated, then I willed myself to be calm and decided to buy a few basic pieces, and take it from there. It took a lot of deep breaths and reminders: “It’s ok, Sibylle. You can afford it”, but I went through with it and I’m very proud of myself. 

One of the things I never bought for the last 10 years is anything “girly” you’d find in the section titled “beauty”. So, I took another couple of deep breaths and threw out the last few dried-up lip glosses and eyeliners I had kept, and then went out and bought a few pretty hair clasps, nail polish, and two different eyeshadows. Ohmygods, the expense!! I keep forgetting to put on makeup, but with the new job it was a good opportunity to change my morning routine and plan in 5 minutes for beauty purposes. I’m getting better at it, and I feel all grown-up and well-turned-out, I’m telling you! 

Actually, I haven’t told you the half of it. Last weekend, I went for a MANICURE. It was the first I’d had in my entire life! I don’t have long nails, but even with short nails a hand looks nicer when the cuticles are all soft and nice and not shredded and hard as sandpaper. 

Do I have a little less money left to save this month? Certainly. But it’s not going to break the bank, or my dream either. I’m going to keep practising, in smaller installments, to spend money on myself. I can’t even begin to tell you what a huge shift this has caused in my life already. 

Abundance, here I come! It’s definitely no accident that I just launched my new Coaching program for the Highly Sensitive the other day, which is flexible, affordable, intensive, and transformational – just like me! Check it out, I’d love to hear what you think. 

If you feel called to it, please leave a comment below. It will be visible after approval and I respond to every comment, so please check back later! 

16 thoughts on “The Break-Up

  1. Oh Sibylle, I've been following your journey for awhile, and I am always impressed by your reflection, courage and wisdom during and after the bankruptcy. And now you are opening about the old->new you transition, I am so touched to read it. I believe so many women resonate with your story and journey too. Letting the old self go has been one of the hardest lessons during my journey too. You wrote it so beautifully – thank for sharing. So honoured to witness your journey. And I just love the way you look at it “My money has a much more cheerful home now!” Whenever I hear or see people connect with the Essence of Money instead of story, my heart is always tender and smiling!

    much love,

    ps, also thank you for sharing the pic of the new home of your Money!

  2. I'm very glad you like it 🙂 It does feel like yet another new chapter. I have developed a love of money which is nothing like the biblical, negative craving of it – it's rather like going from a clingy, needy relationship to one of admiration and unconditional love. And from there it was only one more step to joyfully spending money on myself, without fear that I'll go into overspending again, because hey, I learned *that* lesson already.

    Thank you for reading, and for your lovely comment!

  3. I can really relate to the panic you feel when you spend money on yourself. I have had a period of being very short on money… And even though my situation is much much much better now, whenever I buy more than one or two pieces of clothing at the same time, or when I buy “luxury” stuff, I feel a ping of guilt…
    I'm really happy for you that you've moved on this far! GO YOU!! big hugs!

  4. That is so strange! Just yesterday I got the notion that I really need a new wallet, just to shake off the old energy and start again. And now I stumble upon this blog post! 😀

  5. Thank you 🙂 You know, I used to “leak” money, I was far from being a big spender but I just had no concept of how to manage my finances. That's what attracted the bankruptcy and forced me to learn, and learn I did, but now I have to get used to actually spending something again, haha!
    You can do it too! Hugs!! xx

  6. Wow Sibylle, this blog is so good, quite inspiring, I've followed you for some time now as you know. This one really is brilliant not just really good like your others. Huge hugs to you. Daren't say anything else it would sound patronising X

  7. Awww thanks, Rod! I'm glad you like it 🙂 And I know you're not patronising, would never take it that way!
    It's great to know that people are getting something out of my sharing here. I try to write as authentically as I can, and it's wonderful to get a resonance from people.

  8. Hello again, I've never asked you if you follow the NASA picture of the day, I think you'll find today's picture interesting. I do feel that what you write is authentic if I didn't, like many others we just wouldn't follow you. I hope you're having a great day, and many more to come. xx

  9. Wow! Thanks for that, I didn't follow it up to now but I certainly will – amazing picture, so crystal clear!
    Might be material for the new Facebook page 🙂

  10. Thank you for this post! Yes money is energy and you so deserve to spent money on yourself and taking care of yourself. I find it really hard to balance this from sitting on money afraid of spending it to overspending and buying everyone gifts and such. Like money has to flow or something. I am doing much better and don't get too stressed about bills anymore, but somehow I have never made much money. I always seem to get just by. Never more than enough. I am working on that block. I know where it comes from, my parents and grandparents. It is hard breaking habits. Repeating and babysteps, awareness. And lots of selfcare. Thank you Sibylle. I will check out the e-course now.

  11. Oh I recognise this so well – from overspending to having nothing to being afraid to spend. You put it really well! I believe that yes, money needs to flow, but that doesn't necessarily mean spending everything. What I learned is that investing money also counts as flow, and there has to be a balance between the saving/investing and spending we do. Not always so easy, huh? 🙂

  12. Love the new wallet! It's so tidy and organized and colorful. Good on you for treating yourself to some nice things. Out with the old, in with the new!

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