There comes a time when you have to face the truth and break up. Let go. Go your own way.
How does that work?
Well, I made the decision that I’m no longer broke (which I’m demonstrably not) and that I’ll stop acting like I am. It’s not so easy, you know. It becomes a habit. Add to that the fact that I still have next to no disposable income, and the habit becomes even harder to break – although these days I’m skint because I save rigorously for the deposit on my own hag cottage. It’s by choice, and that makes all the difference in the world.
When I went bankrupt, I had no choice – I remember going to the supermarket and having to buy food for a week with less than 5 Euro (it’s possible. Thank the gods I REALLY like potatoes). My bankruptcy taught me all the things I DON’T need, all the things that are expendable and only seem “necessary” because we are so danged spoilt in our Western world of plenty. It also finally, finally make me learn about finances and MANAGE my money. I’ll be forever grateful for the lessons.
But there’s a difference between living simply and denying oneself absolutely everything that’s not strictly necessary for survival. And that’s where the above-mentioned decision came in. You know I don’t believe in co-incidences, and so I think it was wonderful timing that at that moment, the wonderful Yiye offered a free ecourse on “Manifesting Money with Joy” (you HAVE to do that course! Seriously, sign up for it NOW) which gave me some amazing extra impulses.
One of them was to buy a new wallet. Yes, really! Mine was over 20 years old and ragged around the edges but heck, it was functional, and I had so many better things to spend money on for so long… -At Yiye’s suggestion in the course, I went on a quest one day and brought home in triumph the wallet you see in the picture above. I’m in LOVE with it! My money has a much more cheerful home now.
Next came my wardrobe. I’ve never kept more clothes than I need, but I was still wearing some very old clothes (by necessity – because for so long, I had no money to buy any). This time, I did a radical blitz and donated or threw out anything older than a few years and anything I wasn’t wearing anymore.
It was scary. There’s almost nothing left. I hyperventilated, then I willed myself to be calm and decided to buy a few basic pieces, and take it from there. It took a lot of deep breaths and reminders: “It’s ok, Sibylle. You can afford it”, but I went through with it and I’m very proud of myself.
One of the things I never bought for the last 10 years is anything “girly” you’d find in the section titled “beauty”. So, I took another couple of deep breaths and threw out the last few dried-up lip glosses and eyeliners I had kept, and then went out and bought a few pretty hair clasps, nail polish, and two different eyeshadows. Ohmygods, the expense!! I keep forgetting to put on makeup, but with the new job it was a good opportunity to change my morning routine and plan in 5 minutes for beauty purposes. I’m getting better at it, and I feel all grown-up and well-turned-out, I’m telling you!
Actually, I haven’t told you the half of it. Last weekend, I went for a MANICURE. It was the first I’d had in my entire life! I don’t have long nails, but even with short nails a hand looks nicer when the cuticles are all soft and nice and not shredded and hard as sandpaper.
Do I have a little less money left to save this month? Certainly. But it’s not going to break the bank, or my dream either. I’m going to keep practising, in smaller installments, to spend money on myself. I can’t even begin to tell you what a huge shift this has caused in my life already.
Abundance, here I come! It’s definitely no accident that I just launched my new Coaching program for the Highly Sensitive the other day, which is flexible, affordable, intensive, and transformational – just like me! Check it out, I’d love to hear what you think.
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