(Un-)Settling

This year has the potential to become very exciting for me. Conditional on a few things working out (such as, being made permanent in my job, getting a mortgage etc), I might actually buy my own place in 2015. It’ll be step one of the Plan with a capital P, steps two and three being working from home and opening a bird sanctuary.

It also means that I might actually become settled for the first time in my adult life. As a child, I was settled; I grew up in a very stable environment, in my parents’ house and in the same old town, which I only left as a university student. But even when I was little I kept dreaming of new places, and my adult life has been spent pretty much all over the place – four different countries, with five international moves in ten years. I’ve moved house 13 times in the last ten years.

I’ve never stayed in one place for longer than four years – that was the record, but the average is much lower. In fact, I never stayed in one COUNTRY for more than a few years, either. I guess you could call me the dyed-in-the-wool rolling stone. It was as if I had this inner alarm clock that went off every two years or so, and then I had to move.

This started to change when I returned to Ireland ten years ago. It’s the place where I feel at home. But I still moved around, most often to follow a new job and sometimes to pay a lower rent, but the fact remains, I moved.

And now I’m looking to settle down.

It feels right and I believe it’s time (I’ll be 45 next month, after all!). Thinking of my own place fills me with a warm, fierce love – and also with all sorts of doubt and fears. When I think of it long enough, I downright panic. Oh I realise it doesn’t have to be the last move I ever make. Plenty of people sell their first home and move somewhere else, and while I’m not planning on doing that, it might happen.

However, there’s also the very real possibility that this will be it. The place. The place where I’ll spend the rest of my hagish life, surrounded by birds and hopefully some nature as well. The place where I’ll finally put down roots, befriend the earth and local spirits for the last time, become one with the elements of the place. The place I’d spill blood to protect – mine or somebody else’s – to my last breath.

It’s exactly what I want, but to say it’s scary is a vast understatement. And this is what I need to integrate now, this completely new notion of… of… all together now: permanence. I will need to approach it one step at a time, gently, lest I lose my nerve and turn to run the other way. But I intend to see it through. I know it’s right. And it’s what I’m evolving into, although the end result will be a somewhat different hag.

Exciting times indeed!

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Stalked By The Empress

Some time ago, I did a Tarot spread and the card in the place of where I was going, the future, was the Empress. I almost found it hard to believe that the abundance, connection, beauty, and ease of the Empress could ever be my own.

Thinking about it today, I believe I’ve realised part of it already – I have my Coaching business which is my heart and soul work, and I really can’t think of anything I’d find more inspiring than seeing people grow and thrive, and being part of the process. I also have a decent daytime job and am that much closer to realising my dream of my own place and bird sanctuary.

If you’ve followed my blog for a while, you’ll probably know that I sometimes just pull a Tarot card as a quick answer to a particular question. Of course, it’s less detailed and differentiated than a full spread, but it can be surprisingly insightful at times. A couple of days ago, I felt a little listless and worried about the future – something that isn’t at all typical of me – and I asked the question what 2015 would hold for me.

I shuffled, I cut (3 times), I turned over the top card. No prizes for guessing which one it was!

I do love that this is happening in my life. And the assurance of the Empress has nudged me on to think about my business and taking it to the next level. I get this “itch” every now and then, and then usually changes follow! Remember two years ago when I moved my website to this provider? You never know, something similar might be happening again.

It’s so important for me to keep moving and keep going. It’s one of my most fundamental beliefs: that life is ever-changing, ever-evolving. Note that it doesn’t mean to be unable to enjoy the moment; in fact, life consists of nothing other than a series of moments, and each present moment is the only one which exists. However, we move from moment to moment, and we dream every next moment before we arrive in it. It’s how it all manifests, and we may as well utilise the process and CONSCIOUSLY create.

See, that’s why my religion and my magic are so similar to my work as a Coach. The underlying principles are the same, except that one of them is seen and used in a secular context.

The Moon was full last night. She lit my way when I drove to work in the dark this morning. There’s such promise of fulfilment in the first Full Moon of a year

Surely I can’t be the only one who feels this irresistible energy of growth and progress? How about you?

If you feel called to it, please leave a comment below. It will be visible after approval and I respond to every comment, so please check back later!