The Wait


I’m in a weird state of suspension at the moment. You know how they say, that you shouldn’t spend your life waiting for the future, anticipating but never living in the moment? Well, it’s kind of hard right now.

Believe me, I’m trying. I’m talking to my cutest. I’m going to the movies with friends. I’m consciously appreciating the fact that my life isn’t at all bad right now. And still I’m wired. The full moon isn’t helping either, it’s making me twitchy and impatient with all that extra energy.

I’m still enjoying it. Search me.

The fact is that there are several big changes in my life upcoming, and I can’t even talk about it right now because it’s just not ready to be shared. And so I wait, trying to get grounded, but it’s rather like catching a wet bar of soap – kind of fun, but slippery and hard to get a hold of!

To give you an idea of the process I’m going through, it’s like the early stages of hatching (well, I’m a mad bird lady, what kind of metaphor did you expect from me??). I’m struggling, squirming, pecking a hole, slowly widening the appearing cracks. It’s rather uncomfortable but also familiar and comforting. But out there is the world, and that’s my destination. So I keep pecking.

In less cryptic and more enjoyable news, I’m making a serious effort to get my budgies, if not tame, then at least less afraid of me. Drama-queen Tia’s lessons are anchored deeply within them; especially Talion is absolutely terrified of me, or to be precise, of my hands.

As long as my hands are on my back, they happily close their eyes at me and fluff up while they listen to me singing their praises. But scary hands appearing in front of or (shock, horror!) INSIDE the aviary, and they panic, no matter how slow-motion my movements are. I’ve tamed several budgies in my life, but this is new: they are fairly independent of me and have a big aviary to fly to the furthest corner where I can’t reach them, the little beggars.

Still, there’s progress. Some days ago, they ate eggfood out of a bowl I was holding. That was my greatest triumph. Titus even put his claw on my finger (which was wrapped around the bowl). I wanted to shout: “Yes, yes, yesssss!! Little-Titus claw on my finger!!” but I knew better and just continued murmuring what a clever little budgie he was, whilst holding perfectly still.

Funny how some people don’t understand that my heart stops and starts with moments like these.

And that’s my rather weird update this week. I hope I’ll have more and clearer news soon! In the meantime, I hope you enjoy the full moon and all the abundance and energy She brings.

If you feel called to it, please leave a comment below. It will be visible after approval and I respond to every comment, so please check back later!

4 thoughts on “The Wait

  1. hi, I'm sorry for the rather belated reply, but I will tell you all about it why 🙂
    I think it's a beautiful thing what you're doing with the budgies. It's that special connection between humans and animals, undomesticated animals. Well they live in an aviary inside your house, but they're not domesticated so much that they come at your call like a dog, so I think the budgies are wild in that sense… And that connection you have with them is beautiful. Patience would be double in this sense, on one side your patience of what is to happen, en on the other side the patience towards the budgies themselves… I see the hand of the universe in this 😉

    This full moon has been crazy for me and strangely appropriate… This weekend we moved into our new house 🙂 So we spent the whole weekend in between the (un)packed boxes… We received the keys the last weekend of february, and spent most of last week preparing the move and moving the first load of boxes… I had been planning a cleansing of the house, but had not yet had the time for it. It just so happened that on Thursday, my boyfriend's mom fell while helping us cleaning and broke her shoulder (which I really regret, cause she's in a lot of pain), but it created the situation where I was alone in the house for about 2 hours while I had to wait for boyfriend to return from hospital. So I really felt like the universe created the opportunity for me (be it with a painful shoulder for my almost mother in law) to do this cleansing of the house, on the night of the full moon… It felt pretty powerful and it gave me the time to ground as well, and recharge for that weekend of moving.
    So the rest of the weekend was very very hectic and running all over the place.
    We're cleaning up the last of the stuff and so by th end of this week the move should be completed.

    I'm very curious to find out what you're waiting for, but as you know things come to us in their perfect time and place 🙂

    big hugs!

  2. Ohmygods, congratulations on moving to your new place!! What an exciting time. I hope your poor mum-in-law isn't in too much pain, and I agree this little window of time was your opportunity for the cleansing 🙂
    Do you remember what you dreamt in your first night in the new place? My mum used to say the first dream in a new house comes true.
    Funny you should say that about my budgies – I always thought my Tia was a throwback to wild budgies, untameable, her instinct so deeply ingrained that she never, ever fully trusted a being with the capability of hurting her. It's indeed very touching to have Titus and the other two take tentative steps now; even Tracey takes a pick or two out of the bowl I'm holding now, before fleeing again haha.
    Hugs back, and happy unpacking!!

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