My Very Own Life

It’s been stormy for over a week now, with a small break of about 24 hours in between. Most of the time, the rain is lashing down, it hardly gets bright during the day, the wind blows over the bins in front of my house and rattles whatever isn’t nailed down. At night it’s so loud that even I – who usually never sleeps better than in a storm – get woken up sometimes by some crashing noise. At the same time it’s very mild, typical Irish weather.

Move back West, they said. It’ll be fun, they said.

All right, so it IS fun. I’m enjoying the fact that I don’t even have to leave the house if I don’t want to. And from my office window, I get treated to amazing sights like the luminous, full rainbow you see in the picture above. In the evenings, I cuddle up in front of the computer with a woollen blanket and brainstorm, or work, or play WoW, with my budgies chirping away at me. Underlying it all is the blissful relief of being where I’m most happy, most myself.

This is a time of healing. I knew it would be, when I left behind the East coast and my stressful job, the Dublin-area commute, and the no-sleep situation in my flat. As a Coach, I know to ask the right questions: “Are you moving AWAY from something, or TOWARDS something?” I managed to put a bit of both into it: Towards the West, my spiritual home, and a house I could sleep in, towards healthier conditions for both myself and the cutest. Away from the stress, the mounting small-ish health problems and the endless, bone-deep, red-eyed, leaden fatigue.

Like a small child, I’m enjoying every little gesture and action of the day. Making tea in the lovely big kitchen. Putting on those magically soft slippers. Sitting down at my desk for a day’s work. Cuddling into my wonderful, perfect, heavenly comfortable new bed.

And sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep. I just can’t get enough of being rested!

Lately, though, I’ve started to feel a little restless. I don’t know whether it’s the stormy weather, or the fact that I’m beginning to feel better, but I’ve been strangely twitchy even through the New Moon this week. I’m looking ahead and I’m trying to figure out where my next steps will lead. I love being where I am, but I have still only fulfilled part of my goals and some are left to be done: Like having my own place, be that on my own or in a sustainable community, and running a bird sanctuary.

It’s time to take action. I started by moving my accounts from my old bank, the bank I’d been with for 24 years and who refused to grant me a mortgage on a silly technicality, to a new, modern bank without branches which offers great interest on the money I’ve saved up, decent interest on a current savings account, and good Credit Card conditions as well. Apart from this, I plan to:

  • Keep saving, if possible increasing the monthly amount
  • Build up my Coaching business even further, now that I have more time and energy
  • Remember what it was I originally dreamed about

What I mean by the latter point, is that when I applied for my mortgage, I was very ready to compromise greatly and for example, buy a standard Irish house. My dream used to be a timber cottage, but it’s hard to impossible to get finance on this type of thing in Ireland, and so I didn’t even try. Maybe there’s a reason why I was refused this time? Maybe I’m supposed to solidify my dreams first and save up more money, and then see what I can do in 1-3 years? It’s no longer an agonising wait, after all – as I said above, I’m very happy where I am and it’s exactly what I need to heal.

Maybe this is just the time and space I need in order to come up with something much better, something perfectly suited to my needs. Watch this space! There’s more, and concrete, plans to come, but this I feel is only the beginning of the life I’m building for myself now. It’s beautiful already, but one day it’s going to be magnificent.

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