My Big “Secret”?

Old Head

I spent most of Sunday by the coast in wonderful company. Even my hayfever behaved  this close to the sea!

I’ve made a funny observation. When things are dramatic and heavy, there’s usually no lack of conversation – people will leave comments on my blog post and really step up to help me. But when I post that I’m happy out, there’s often nothing at all, or very little.

I adore my tribe for being so incredibly supportive – you guys are zee best – but at the same time I think, shouldn’t we be talking MORE about happiness? Share the bliss, add our own, or simply bask a little in the warmth of another if our own is lacking at the moment (as mine has done plenty of times…)?

I’m writing this partly because I expect to be posting a lot of happy entries yet. Right now I’m probably the happiest I’ve been; my life is exactly how I want it, and my only challenge is to keep finding goals to strive for lest I get complacent. And when I look back to where I was only five months ago, I’m in awe and so deeply grateful I want to drop to my knees and kiss the ground that carries me.

People have asked me how I managed to pull myself out of depression, being sick and constantly exhausted as well as slightly overweight, to being active and healthy and blissfully happy within four months or so. I’ve been thinking about it, and I don’t really know the answer, or whether there even is just one answer. I believe it may be a combination of several things:

1. Not pushing myself. I started off so gently, I just know the majority of people would scoff if they could see it, and tell me that’s no way to get in shape. Most days I did about five minutes of gentle Yoga stretches (from – they rock!), as I couldn’t keep up even moderate exercise for any amount of time. Many days I didn’t do anything, as I was too tired.

And thus, bit by bit, I clawed my way back, and in such a short time it still astonishes me, I was doing half-hour aerobics workouts and short but intense Yoga sessions of 15-25 minutes, as well as intense dance sessions. Then came archery, and then the swordfighting, and by now I’m happy to push myself because my body can take it. I have a loooooong way to go yet, but the worst is behind me – now that I’m “in motion”, nothing will stop me. I went from never wanting to get up off my chair, to someone who has real problems sitting down for any length of time. Yes, four months.

2. Food. I’ve left behind all “should”s and “must”s and the warring factions of food ideology and radically follow what my body tells me. One piece of advice I did implement was the statement that we only need about 1/3 of the calories most people consume, and I find that it’s doing me incredibly good to eat far less. This is not about starving myself, mind you – especially with physical activity, it’s important to nourish the body, so the key is to consume foods with a high nutritional density.

I’m nowhere near perfect, I believe food is a sensual pleasure and should be enjoyed, and I do still eat greasy chips or pizza. But I’ve made an interesting observation: Junk food makes me tired to the point of dropping off to sleep, almost instantly. And I’d rather feel bouncy and full of energy, so I listen to my body and mostly eat stuff that makes me feel great. Mostly – again, I don’t strive for perfection.


In practice, this works out at about 85% vegan food which I love most of all. The sheer explosion of flavour of an organic carrot with hoummous, oh my… and Magic Mayan Chocolate… yum! I mostly avoid wheat and rye because they tend to upset my gut, but I do eat them sometimes. About 15% of my diet is dairy and eggs (about once or twice a week), and about 5% meat (once or twice a month). I feel wonderful and have lost ALL the weight I’d put on since 2010, without effort – and now my body naturally maintains the weight. I like it, and I’ll keep it up for as long as it keeps making me feel so good.

3. Theta waves. I can’t explain how it works, but I know there is some science behind it. Theta waves can’t actually be perceived by the human ear, so people have created “binaural beat” tracks, so the Theta waves are created in the space between. Or something, haha. The point is, I’d heard they “re-arrange” your brain and since I’ll try anything, I looked up a track on YouTube and have been listening to a good hour of Theta Waves per day since.

A few days after starting this, the veil lifted and my happiness came through. It was just like the clouds breaking up and letting the sunshine through… exactly like it, in fact. I felt so light I wanted to laugh and sing all day. That’s when I started feeling my emotions again, in January, and with the happiness came a lot of heavy shit at first – there’s no light without shadow – but by now, the light outweighs the shadow by far, far, far, and I credit the Theta Waves for most of this.

This is the track I listen to every day, with headphones (apparently this works only with headphones). If you’d prefer the pure Binaural Beat without music around it, try this one instead.

4. Radically doing what I want. I started by writing a novel-length story, just for myself. Creative work is so therapeutic! I’m also doing a whole lot of nothing at all. I have given myself so much leeway lately. I’ve been slacking on re-launching my Coaching business (getting going now, in fact – finally!) and I refuse to feel guilty about it. I’ve always needed a lot of time and space to process my emotions, and there are a lot of emotions going around at the moment! I welcome all of it, it’s such bliss to feeeeeeeeeel! And yes, I get put through the wringer at times. It’s all good.

Every day, I consciously radiate love to everyone I know, and I make a point of reaching out to people in my life. I’ve been withdrawn for so long, I still need to remind myself sometimes! I have this vision of bathing all the world including myself in love and affection, and appreciation. It’s a state of constant bliss.

When I feel my vibration lowering, I usually do something physical, dancing mostly, or shooting my bow, or swinging around my sword or axe. Twenty minutes later, I’m back in bliss. It really is that simple.


All right, this has become very long – I hope it wasn’t too boring to read! Midsummer is almost here, and I’m going to write about that too, but in the next entry. The energy is incredible right now, a Waxing Moon which is going to be full right on Solstice Day (Monday), and in spite of hayfever I’ve managed to spend some time outdoors lately.

Sending you all so much love!

Please feel free to leave a comment below. It will be visible after approval and I respond to every comment, so do check back later!

10 thoughts on “My Big “Secret”?

  1. Helen

    Loved reading u’r story.. struck some notes I must try the music u recommended. I like u moved from the city 2 rural life a year ago on the 25th. Been a rough year but I know I’m in a much better place.. but a long way to go.. look forward 2 u’r midsummer blog..

    1. Thank you, Helen, and I so know what you’re talking about when you say it takes time… But honestly, I’ll never ever regret moving away from the hassle and into the countryside! Glad to hear you’re in a better place too ❤ Much love!

  2. WOOHOO Keep these happy posts coming! We need more of this in this world. And yes we have the power to make changes and to keep looking for what brings us joy. We will fall back, but it is all about recognizing this and not staying in this place. There are so many beautiful tools out there to empower you to help yourself and others. Keep shining bright, beautiful hag! Much love and HAPPY weekend xxx

    1. That’s just it, to keep the work going towards raising vibrations. You *would* know about this, as a fellow lightworker ❤ It's so important to spread happiness when everywhere doom and gloom seems to jump out at us from media and social media. I refuse to take part in the doomsday party, I'm soaring!! So much love to you too! xxx

  3. Yes! It’s so easy to talk about and muddle around in sadness and anger, but we need to spend time in happiness too. For the longest time I thought I couldn’t write or be creative without sadness, so I held onto it, but now I see the lie in that. I can write and dance and move through life feeling happy. Happiness is just as potent.

    1. Good point there about creativity – I’ve known quite a few people who claim to be productive only when they feel awful. I agree that *all* emotion can be fuel for creativity 🙂 Much love!

  4. I don’t know how I missed this post. It’s good to hear you’re happy 🙂 and you’re right, life should be enjoyed. Most advice out there would put me on a diet, but I’m going to have dessert today anyway. The weather is great, it’s the eve of the Summer Solstice, and a Full Moon to boot. That’s worth celebrating.

    Thanks for the link to the Theta track. I’m going to give that a go, even though I’m not depressed. Binaural beats producing theta waves have several benefits: relaxation, improved memory, inner peace, emotional stability, heightened intuition, improved healing, more restful sleep, and they’re good for trance work 🙂

    Creativity is part of what’s kept me afloat through a lot of things. I haven’t been depressed, but I’ve been pretty low at times.
    Not beating yourself up for slacking is the right way to go. Everything will get done in due time. There’s no rush.

    Don’t worry about writing a long post. Those who care, like me, won’t mind at all 🙂

    1. Just letting things unfold as they will really is the way to go! At least, it makes me happy 🙂
      Let me know how you fare with the Theta Waves, I didn’t know they were used for depression too, but I did hear about the way the brain is simply re-wired, more creative, more receptive, and more active. It certainly did that for me!
      Happy Solstice and Full Moon, and enjoy your dessert xx

  5. Very good to read happy posts 🙂
    I am going to try the Theta waves 🙂 sounds amazing.

    My life at the moment is too much of everything to focus on myself. I have been wanting to write myself, I have 2 stories bursting to get out, but there is soooooo much to do in the house and with the family. I don’t have the time to be alone and write. And the time that I am alone, I focus on meditation, yoga etc. I have 2 weeks of holidays coming up, maybe then 🙂

    My foods aren’t very vegan right now, even though I’m not completely back to my very old ways. I still eat a lot of fruit and veggies during the day.
    Reading your post makes me realise I should probably put a bit more focus on it again. And on the other hand, I’ll go with the flow.
    It’s like I’ve had a taste of where I’m going, but I’m not exactly there yet, you know?

    As for the SOlstice and full moon… woa, how strong is that energy? I was out in the garden yesterday, grounding, releasing, and whoosh, swept away. It was so easy to feel that energy. They say the veil is thin these days, and boy ccan I confirm.
    Coincidence or not, we had a major row with our teenager yesterday evening, about his attitude and he left the house angry. Earlier that evening while I was sending healing and love to my family, I had felt he was in a dark place. I’m thinking it’s a turning point for him… Hard to believe things like that happen on evenings like that, with so much power and magic without any meaning behind it… Let’s hope it will all turn out for the best.

    big big hugs and keep up the happiness, I’m so enjoying your vibes 😉

    1. I know *exactly* what you mean by not quite being there yet with your nutrition… honestly I believe more and more that things happen in their own divine timing, and there’s a reason for that! I was just the same, and found my way back to healthy eating step by step. Nowhere near complete either.

      Other than that, you’d be a prime candidate for coaching at this time, seriously, this is exactly what I’m going to focus on going forward – people creating space in their busy lives for their art and doing what they love!

      The energy of the past few days has been incredible. Swept away being the word!! I went completely wild and loved it. I think there’s a reason your teen acted out just then – lots of energy can always go either way, and it’s entirely possible it fuelled some emotions that were boiling up in him already. We all know teenagers aren’t known for moderation when it comes to emotions, after all… I’m sure he’ll figure it out and come out of it, after all you and your man have laid a good foundation there ❤

      Big hugs back!!

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