Keeping It Together

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Shooting in Massbrook Woods. Picture taken by Jack Pinson.

I’m very tired today, after talking to one of my oldest friends Shane half the night, who had stopped by on his way to a course he’s taking in Galway. It was great, the kind of rambling conversation easily drifting from one topic to another, that you can only have with people you know so well that you’re completely comfortable and relaxed around them.

Last Saturday, I spent a lovely evening at the house of Jack and Ziva and their two little hobbits, once again missing out on sleep because we chatted all evening and I had to drive home afterwards. Occasionally, I hear from Inga who’s working her hulderish backside off and intermittently manages to type a quick message and hug to me. And then there’s the email from Andreas in Germany who turned 50 last week and wrote how much he likes my birthday present.

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Andreas and Karola, during my visit in Germany this April

Life is only ever as good as the people in it, don’t let anybody tell you any different. And by these standards, my life is pretty danged spectacular!

I need to say this, and remind myself that it’s the case, because there are some other things which continue to rankle, and demand a solution in the not-too-distant future. I did mention I’ve started to work on my Coaching business in earnest now? It’s what I’m here on this planet to do, and this work is so sorely needed… And yet I find myself stalling, once again, as I did so many times before. I’m not giving in to it this time, don’t worry, I’m serious about doing this, but the fact is that I’m committed to pursing my passions and joy and I refuse to give in to stress ever again in my life. That’s fairly difficult to uphold, though, when I work a full-time job and a business at the same time.

No matter how I slice it, something always falls through the cracks. It’s either the job or the business, or the sleep, or my passions, regular exercise, nourishing my body, or any combination of the above.

And don’t get me started on my living situation and the little sleep it brings with it. By the way: I’m not looking for advice here. This is my process and while I am happy to listen to people’s thoughts, they have to be people who know me and my situation really well. I’m just writing this to let you know what’s going on, and of course good vibes are always appreciated.

The thing is that I’m less and less willing to compromise endlessly. I’m not asking for all that much: Living on my own in a detached place (it’s fine if it’s small) with internet. And a chance to build up this business without having to work 24/7. I’d love to do this in Ireland, but I’m really not sure if it’s possible – this country is fucked up in terms of rents, the availability (or lack thereof) of mortgages, and living costs.

It’s a work in progress and I don’t have to solve the riddle right now, but I’ll have to do it soon-ish. In fact, I’ve set myself a deadline of about three years. By 2020, I want to make it happen. Watch this space.

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New recurve bow. Picture by Jack Pinson.

For now, I intend to enjoy the stillness of the New Moon and get some rest before I venture out again to see people. I’ve got some passions-work to do and a lot of business work as well, to get the message out there, to make sure the people who are awake and conscious and no longer willing to settle (like me), will find me and my website.

One day, I’ll figure out how to keep it all together. I’m working on it!

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