End Of An Era

I’ve noticed that some people seem to read only the first few paragraphs of my blog posts. It’s fine if you don’t have the time or patience for everything, but I usually write the most important stuff later, so if you have to read selectively, I suggest you read the second half! Although there are times, like today, when I’ll simply write about two different, equally important subjects.

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So, news. Big news, in fact. I’ve done something monumental last week: I let go of my budgies, after sharing quarters with 2-6 feathery friends for the past 10 years.

The short version is that it was the right thing to do for them. After I lost so many birds between 2015 and 2016, my heart was so thoroughly broken I couldn’t face getting more budgies and then potentially losing them again. So I just got the one new companion for my Tracey (and hit gold: she and Tino have the sweetest love you could imagine). They were happy with each other, and yet. And yet.

Budgies are flock birds. My house is way too quiet, especially lately with me working in my job all day and then on my business all evening. I work on the phone / Skype, so I can’t do it in their room, they’d get so chirpy I couldn’t hear myself think. And because they were alone so much, they slept a lot. It’s just not right for budgies, who live in flocks of tens of thousands in their native Australia.

It took me months until I actually reached out to find someone who’d take them and who’d live up to my insane standards. But I found the perfect place for them, in a friend’s garden aviary. He’s a show-budgie breeder and clearly adores the birds, and they live in a budgie paradise – well, click the video above and see for yourself. Tracey and Tino were so excited and chirpy when they got there, I knew at once that I’d made the right decision. But gods, do I miss them. So very much, every morning when I wake up to silence, every time I come home wanting to rush upstairs, every evening when I go to bed without saying good night to them…

Tracey and Tino

I’m firmly trying to focus on the advantages, like my new-found freedom. For the first time in 10 years, I’ll be able to travel without worrying about the birds! In 8 years, I’ve never been away for more than 2 or 3 nights in a row. Now I can go for as long as I like, or stay overnight somewhere spontaneously. It’ll be brilliant! At least that’s what I tell myself.

The theory will be put to the test in four weeks – oh my gods, four weeks! – because that’s when I’ll finally go to Canada for nearly a week! I can’t even afford that, but any less would be ridiculous, and it’s a whole lot better than nothing. I’ll rent a car and drive all around Nova Scotia, which in case you didn’t know, is a gorgeous province in the far South-East of the country and nearly the size of Ireland. I’ve spent so much time on their tourism website that the other day, a chat popped up and a friendly tourist guide asked me if I needed help finding anything. I asked if they had a Tardis that would fast-forward me to my holidays (she laughed).

To give you an idea… it really does look beautiful!

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Generally, the people there seem to be completely lovely, from the guy running the B&B I’ll be staying in (we spoke on the phone and I don’t think he realises that I picture him as Barliman Butterbur at the Prancing Pony), to the Bowhunters who host the 3D shoot I’ll participate in when I’m there.

WAAAAAAH I can’t wait!! Did I mention I’m excited?

I promise there’ll be a boatload of pictures when I get back. If I get back, and don’t “accidentally” miss my flight home. Not like I have any cutest to come home to, sniff.

That’s it from me this week – take care, and enjoy the waxing moon! I’ll talk to you in a few.

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The Luminous Weeks

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A fairy forest in the Burren Nature Sanctuary
When I say that I have trouble sleeping in the vicinity of awake humans, people usually assume I’m an insomniac. It’s not true: I sleep like a log as long as it’s reasonably quiet, it’s just “people sounds” that wake me up all the time.

There are exceptions, though, such as the time of the year when I simply don’t sleep no matter what. Every year around the Summer Solstice, there are a few weeks when I assume a toddler’s attitude to sleep, in that I’m way too excited and wired to even think of sleeping, unwilling to miss out on waking hours, and unable to fall asleep although I’m actually tired.

It’s not a problem, as long as it’s just a week or two in the year. In my current situation, it’s compounded by the fact that “human noise” cuts short my sleep all the time anyway, but I’m way too excited to care right now. It’s Solstice time!!

Trying to put into words how I feel at the moment is one of the rare occasions when words fail me. Allow me to try.

  • Part of my pagan practice is to be aware of and constantly strengthen my connection with the natural world. Paired with my natural high sensitivity, this makes me extremely receptive to what’s going on around me. At this time of the year, when life is practically bursting from every leaf on every tree and even the grass is happily procreating (alas, I’m allergic to the pollen, but it’s not as bad as it used to be), it’s like a constant bombardment.

“High vibration go on…” (if you don’t recognise this line, you really really need to listen to Yes’s “Awaken”)

  • I’ve spent decades of my life sharpening my senses and the months from around mid April to mid August are like sensory overload. All. The. Time. The air is fragrant and seductive, the warm breeze caressing, the grass soft and cuddly. The waves tickle my ankles, my feet kissing the sand. I’ve a heightened perception at this time, food tastes even better than usual, and there are so many tasty things right now, such as fresh strawberries! And don’t get me started on the luminous nights, never-fading daylight, golden evenings and bright mornings.
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Cuddling my new longbow!
  • It’s also the sexiest time of the year. “Come on now, try and understand the way I feel when I’m in your hands…” (<3 Patti Smith) I’m always, *always* starry-eyed around June, I just can’t help it. And blissfully happy.
  • There are downsides, too. Due to the lack of sleep, my attention span is down to a few seconds, which leads to hilarious moments when I find an empty tea mug on the counter and long-since cooled water in the kettle, which I clean forgot to pour when it was boiling.
  • I’m too wired to notice my tiredness most of the time, but occasionally it catches up with me and then I’m so groggy from one minute to the next that I could just lay down my head and start snoring. Unfortunately, I rarely have the luxury to do so, as it tends to happen during work or when I’m out! And then there are times when my mood just crashes and I’m suddenly convinced I’m an awful person and nobody loves me.
  • I can be a taxing friend at this time, constantly going “Oooh, shiny!” and bursting with ideas, messaging and texting people at random (“let’s do this!” -“Have you seen that? Shall we check it out? Sure, midnight’s fine… sleep is overrated”). Thankfully, my wonderful friends love their hag and have long since learned to just smile and nod, haha…

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Fairy door
I love Solstice time, can you tell? Tonight I’ll go outside to dance with the fairies and do my Eve-of-the-Solstice ritual, and tomorrow (the actual Solstice happens on the 21st this year) will be another tired but joyful holiday. I’m determined that work won’t get in the way.

Happy Solstice!

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Questioning

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From time to time, I feel this strong urge to question absolutely everything in my life. It’s just what I do, and it keeps me on my toes. Many of the radical changes I’ve made throughout my life – moves to different countries, change of job or business – have come from this habit. And if I decide not to change something, I then know for sure that it’s what I truly want at this time.

I’m at one of these points in my life right now, as you may have noticed over the past few entries. Or you may not, because readership and engagement with my blog have gone down to one or two comments each time and one of the things I’m wondering about is whether it might be time to close down The Hag’s Den. I’ve never been interested in holding a monologue, and maybe personal blogs are no longer the way to go. I have my Coaching page after all, and write articles for my weekly newsletter which I publish in blog form there (sign up for the email updates while you’re about it, you get the full package including regular special offers with that).

The questioning is still a work in progress, but here’s what I’ve got so far:

  • Sleep. I’ve done so much healing over the past 1 1/2 years. Part of it was starting to move again and heal physically. I have stalled in this, though, ever since I moved here last September, and I’m beginning to realise I’m not just slacking, it’s the constant lack of sleep – and lack of quality sleep, as I simply don’t sleep as deeply with white noise in my ears – that’s getting to me. I’m always, always tired. Even when I do get enough for once, it’s more like a temporary respite, because one or two nights in a row just doesn’t cut it. I noticed that a few weeks ago when my neighbours were gone, I had a week of blissful sleep and suddenly bounced off the walls with energy!
  • Passion. I need to do the things which light me up. This was at the heart of my entire re-awakening thing and I need to keep it up. It’s directly related to the sleep issue, because I’m not up for anything if I’m just bleary-eyed and exhausted. And there’s absolutely nothing which is more important – there’s a reason why I’m focusing my Coaching on this, and my constant challenge is to make people understand to what extent it revolutionises life to centre it around passion.
  • My soul work. This is basically the purpose for which I was put on this planet, and it’s to support beautiful souls in making positive change. This is why Wild Spirits Coaching is so important; it’s what I currently see as the best vehicle.
  • Living situation. I might stay in Ireland and I hope I’ll be able to because I honestly love it here. However, I will move if I have to, in order to get the life I want and need, with peace and quiet, as well as a social life. It can’t be all that impossible!

I’ll let you know when things get a little clearer! I’m just going to let all these insights “stew” for a while and see what comes up.

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In the meantime, I’m enjoying the “luminous weeks”. I know I go on about this every year but gods, I love this time so much! I mean, I sleep less than ever, but who cares when there’s still some light when I go to sleep (I sleep at 22.30 these days because my neighbours wake me at around 6 in the morning; by nature, I’m much more of a night owl), and light again when I wake up. The budgies love it too.

I have this sweet, almost painful happiness in me and an indefinable longing for je-ne-sais-quois. So much love, and the sensuality of mild air on my skin and in my hair, the lusciousness of nature, flowers everywhere and heavy, juicy green foliage.

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I went to Massbrook last week and it had rained, but it was still around 20 degrees warm, so the air was heavy and humid – a nightmare for some people but I felt like taking off all my clothes and hugging trees! This forest is like a home to me, it’s the exact opposite of my house, where I sleep lightly and wake up at every little sound. In Massbrook, I can fall alseep in seconds lying down on the soft moss of the forest floor, feeling completely safe and protected among the gentle watch of the tall trees.

Ah, June…

 

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