Questioning

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From time to time, I feel this strong urge to question absolutely everything in my life. It’s just what I do, and it keeps me on my toes. Many of the radical changes I’ve made throughout my life – moves to different countries, change of job or business – have come from this habit. And if I decide not to change something, I then know for sure that it’s what I truly want at this time.

I’m at one of these points in my life right now, as you may have noticed over the past few entries. Or you may not, because readership and engagement with my blog have gone down to one or two comments each time and one of the things I’m wondering about is whether it might be time to close down The Hag’s Den. I’ve never been interested in holding a monologue, and maybe personal blogs are no longer the way to go. I have my Coaching page after all, and write articles for my weekly newsletter which I publish in blog form there (sign up for the email updates while you’re about it, you get the full package including regular special offers with that).

The questioning is still a work in progress, but here’s what I’ve got so far:

  • Sleep. I’ve done so much healing over the past 1 1/2 years. Part of it was starting to move again and heal physically. I have stalled in this, though, ever since I moved here last September, and I’m beginning to realise I’m not just slacking, it’s the constant lack of sleep – and lack of quality sleep, as I simply don’t sleep as deeply with white noise in my ears – that’s getting to me. I’m always, always tired. Even when I do get enough for once, it’s more like a temporary respite, because one or two nights in a row just doesn’t cut it. I noticed that a few weeks ago when my neighbours were gone, I had a week of blissful sleep and suddenly bounced off the walls with energy!
  • Passion. I need to do the things which light me up. This was at the heart of my entire re-awakening thing and I need to keep it up. It’s directly related to the sleep issue, because I’m not up for anything if I’m just bleary-eyed and exhausted. And there’s absolutely nothing which is more important – there’s a reason why I’m focusing my Coaching on this, and my constant challenge is to make people understand to what extent it revolutionises life to centre it around passion.
  • My soul work. This is basically the purpose for which I was put on this planet, and it’s to support beautiful souls in making positive change. This is why Wild Spirits Coaching is so important; it’s what I currently see as the best vehicle.
  • Living situation. I might stay in Ireland and I hope I’ll be able to because I honestly love it here. However, I will move if I have to, in order to get the life I want and need, with peace and quiet, as well as a social life. It can’t be all that impossible!

I’ll let you know when things get a little clearer! I’m just going to let all these insights “stew” for a while and see what comes up.

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In the meantime, I’m enjoying the “luminous weeks”. I know I go on about this every year but gods, I love this time so much! I mean, I sleep less than ever, but who cares when there’s still some light when I go to sleep (I sleep at 22.30 these days because my neighbours wake me at around 6 in the morning; by nature, I’m much more of a night owl), and light again when I wake up. The budgies love it too.

I have this sweet, almost painful happiness in me and an indefinable longing for je-ne-sais-quois. So much love, and the sensuality of mild air on my skin and in my hair, the lusciousness of nature, flowers everywhere and heavy, juicy green foliage.

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I went to Massbrook last week and it had rained, but it was still around 20 degrees warm, so the air was heavy and humid – a nightmare for some people but I felt like taking off all my clothes and hugging trees! This forest is like a home to me, it’s the exact opposite of my house, where I sleep lightly and wake up at every little sound. In Massbrook, I can fall alseep in seconds lying down on the soft moss of the forest floor, feeling completely safe and protected among the gentle watch of the tall trees.

Ah, June…

 

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16 thoughts on “Questioning

  1. You’re not holding a monologue. People are reading and absorbing this even if they choose not to say anything. It’s good to question things now and then. It’s part of how growth happens. I’ve also come to the conclusion that I need to do more of what lights me up but it can be a long journey because everything else going on. It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day. I hope you will find that place where you have that peace soon. Being short on sleep is not good.

    1. Thank you 🙂 I know what you’re saying, but you see, me writing stuff and people listening and not saying anything – that’s the definition of a monologue! I also know you’re one of those who do join the conversation, too, and I appreciate that so much.
      And I hear you on the passions. It’s like a constant uphill walk, reminding yourself, making the time in spite of everything else… I guess that’s what makes it so important.

  2. Sending you. Light and love… I had a long comment written but it just disappeared on me. So I have to accept that you weren’t supposed to hear my words. Hx

  3. Healing/Awakening/Passion W/Lack of sleep.. Such a common theme. No one I know sleeps well. something primal stiring just under the surface in all of us?

    Sleep dep is a disease with long term effects – not good. I work 50 hours a week, Train for ocean racing, (paddling), and still try to find time for my other passions, Archery, fast motorcycles, being alone in the outdoors and some form of social life.

    Passion is fuled in the waking hours by doing..and sleep suffers. Many of us who are driven are out of balance. I want to do everything. and sleep takes the hit.

    And, due to a diving accident,I have a constant loud rining in my ears. Ah..to sleep, perchance to dream… one can only hope.

    Good luck…. And thank you for your blog,

    Life for me as of late has been like walking in mud due to fatigue trying to live the vision:

    “We intend to sing to the love of danger, the habit of energy and fearlessness.
    Courage, boldness, and rebelliousness will be the essential elements of our poetry.
    ” to exalt movemen, the racer’s stride, the mortal leap”….

    Until the end.. Memento Mori

    Ciao

    Michael

    1. It’s interesting to hear other people’s stories about lack of sleep. It seems to be fairly universal! I feel almost boring in comparison because I actually don’t have any trouble sleeping, just as long as it’s quiet. I’m simply a very light sleeper when it comes to humans being awake near me (traffic is fine, nature sounds are fine).

      I’m just glad I am so happy these days 🙂

      Thank you for sharing this!

  4. My dearest hag ❤
    I know, lack of sleep is horrible for me too, but I don't suffer as long as you. I need 8hs of sleep, I can function on 7h, but not long term. Hell I can do only 6, but only for 2 days or so 🙂
    That forest sounds like the forest of my dreams!!!
    Time will tell you what to do 🙂
    I have had a long period in my life, not really knowing what to do. It seems pieces are falling into place and something has clicked . Stuff is moving and I need to be patient and trust the proces 🙂 easier said than done 🙂

    As for the blog, I like reading your blogs… 🙂

    1. As you get older, you will find these phases of uncertainty keep occurring – at least to those who don’t get resigned and settled, and you’re really not that type! – in more or less regular cycles. I believe it’s just the natural way of life, and it’s beautiful.

      As for me, I’m not suffering all that much, I’m very happy here. It’s just that I find myself less and less ready to put up with things as the years pass. I think that’s a good thing, for me! 🙂

      Very glad you like the blog! Thanks for reading (and commenting).

  5. I read your blog but I do not comment often as I feel my words are inadequate……… sleep is so important for our spirit but as we get older sleep seems to avoid us on a regular basis – I love the times when I sense my book beginning to fall from my hand and I know that sleep is finally going to embrace me without a struggle. Keep writing your blog, I think you need it. Blessings and light ……..

    1. Thank you for your lovely words. It’s interesting that you say, the way you sleep has changed over the years. For me, it’s always been the same: I sleep well and without any problems, but only if there aren’t any humans awake near me.

      The thing with the blog is, it serves a specific purpose: to communicate what’s going on with me and start conversations. For everything else I’ve got my journal, my coach, friends nearby…

      I’ll keep an open mind and heart about it.
      Many blessings!

  6. Hiya, I am reading and I apologize for not always responding. I do recognize the feeling and doubts. I have no response whatsoever on my blog, but I continue because I still like writing it. But I was also thinking about stopping blogging last week. I wrote the post about this but never published it as sometimes I just want to write. So I will keep at it, when I feel like it and when I have time. But if you have no joy in blogging, don’t and focus your energy in things that bring you joy and give you energy. Even though I do feel your blog will be missed by many. But a happy hag is more important and we can find you elsewhere. I wish you lots of deep nourishing sleep and beautiful dreams. X

    1. No need to apologise! I didn’t mean to make anyone feel guilty. I see this in a rather rational light: Maybe it has outlived its use as a means of communication, and then I’ll scrap it with no regrets 🙂 I read your blog too, by the way, but rarely comment. This is precisely what makes me think!

      Blogging definitely is a great way of self-expression. I’m with you on that 100%.

      I’m very happy these days, and that’s such a blessing. Life is good ❤

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