Staying “Permeable”

The hag in Massbrook Woods
The hag in Massbrook Woods

I once read something by Luisa Francia, one of the wise-women whose life’s work have given me so much inspiration and teaching on my own pagan path. She described how she’d dealt with being burgled by allowing, rather than resisting, her attacker, and letting his energy flow through her without doing any damage. In recent years, I’ve started to learn to apply this principle to my own emotions as well.

If you know me, you’ll know that I’m an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) and also highly emotional. Most of my life, I’ve struggled to embrace this rather than view it as a liability. I’m currently in another phase where I experience fairly intense emotions – mostly, I’m overflowing with happiness, but there are other periods, too.

I was talking to my wonderful Inga the other day, when I was in quite a lot of emotional pain. We talked about the difference between drawn-out, relived or self-tortorous pain versus the “clean” pain of simply experiencing different things in life. Today, I was reminded of Luisa Francia’s story, and I think the key to it is to allow it to happen and feel the full extent of the emotion, but without putting up any resistance, so that it can run its course and then flow through me – and leave my system.

It’s very scary and requires a lot of trust. The thing with sadness or, as I remember from a few years ago, heartbreak, is that they feel so real and absolute. When I fully allow them, they threaten to swallow me whole and I’m convinced that I can’t possibly ever feel anything else again. But the true pain, the kind which leaves behind real damage, only happens when I then try to hold back and resist. As long as I manage to allow it, it invariably ebbs off after a while, and it’s often a much shorter period than I’d thought possible.

I wonder if this makes sense to anyone except myself (I know it does to highly evolved and wise people, but they’re so much better than I am at explaining the concept)?

Mount Nephin, Maigh Eo
Mount Nephin in Maigh Eo

For me, the conclusions are clear, and they’re closely connected to my life purpose, the catalyst work I was put here to do. It’s only possible as long as I feel unconditionally, love unconditionally, and allow absolutely everything. And I can only get through all of these by staying “permeable”, not holding on or resisting, and letting it flow through me.

This is also why depression is my arch enemy. It’s the “dark side of the Force”, the moment when I capitulate and long for respite from the intensity. Depression makes me numb; it’s quite literally the absence of feeling. It’s also the death of me, not in the physical sense but in the sense of all that truly makes me who I am.

People often try and fix other’s pain or sorrow, but if it’s the “good kind”, then that’s really not necessary; it’s part of the deal and it always, always passes and makes the beauty and the miracles possible which also happen. And I’m learning, too. Mostly when I get hurt, it’s because I don’t live up to my own expectations. Believe me, I’m really working on that and I’m getting better. But I still have that expectation to be the best me for the people who deserve it (and most people do), and when I fail to deliver this, then I sometimes can’t help beating myself up about it.

At least for a bit, until it’s run its course and leaves my system. See how this works?

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Wanderlust

This time last year I was in Canada. In fact, at this exact minute (taking into account the time difference) I was on a boat watching seals, seagulls and two sea eagles off the coast of Nova Scotia. Siiiiiigh… such a beautiful corner of planet Earth. I hope I’ll get to go back some time.

Before I continue: I’m painfully aware that once again I haven’t been writing in a while. And I’ll be perfectly honest about the fact that the future of this blog still hangs in the balance, as I see more and more proof that personal blogs just aren’t of much interest anymore. Gone are the days when we all posted mile-long articles in forums and open platforms. These days, it’s all bite-sized and scrollable and blogs only exist for businesses – like my own, actually! Nothing wrong with that, but if I don’t see signs of interest in my personal ramblings in the near future, I’ll simply focus on the business instead.

Back to the subject of travelling. A few years ago, when I was in a withdrawn state and also hampered by the existence of the cutest little budgies in the world who happened to live in my house, I didn’t want to go anywhere, ever. I just died a thousand deaths from missing my feathery housemates every day I was away.

As you know, I let go of the cutest just over a year ago, and now I find my old Wanderlust re-emerging in strange ways. Strange, because I’m considering destinations from parts of Germany I’ve never been to, all the way to the Maldives. Strange also because I’m not at all adverse to conventional package holidays, and that’s not something most people would think of when they hear my name mentioned in connection with “travel”.

I’m the stereotypical backpack-holiday-hippie-chick. In recent years, however, I’ve read quite a lot about travel and how it’s still seen as the cool thing to do by all the woke, hippie, planet-saving folks whilst at the same time being absolutely catastrophic for the environment. And funnily enough, package deals to popular holiday destinations are among the lesser offenders. Charter planes are usually booked to the last seat, and holiday resorts are fenced in and contain the noise and pollution to a small area.

Maldives. Photo by Ishan on unsplash.com

Apart from everything else, I rather enjoy the typical beach holiday. I love, love, love the sea and warm/hot temperatures. As long as I don’t spend too much time in direct sunlight, I can deal with the heat really well – especially if I’m stretched out in the sand reading a book!

The conclusion from all this is that I won’t travel all that much, to keep the carbon footprint manageable, and I’m going to have to budget for it. I spent much of the past year paying back the last of my student debt, and now I’m saving for different things. So a small monthly budget is the way to go for my travel plans, and by next summer or so, I’ll be able to take to the air. There might be a few smaller trips before then, even.

I’m writing my completely inconsistent destination bucket list as we speak. It’s so much fun! The hag’s about to descend on the unsuspecting world. Yay!

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Le-e-et the sunshine in…!

blossom
Massbrook Woods in full blossom

I write about this every year – the luminous weeks, the period from around the end of May to the end of July. My favourite time in the year. I’ll try and shake it up a little so it won’t get boring – promise!

This year, we’ve had a beautiful late spring, with temperatures well into the 20s and lots of sunshine. The last week or so has been cooler and rainy again, but we’re slowly recovering from that, and I hope that I’ll get to spend a lot more time outside in the woods with my bow, and around various fires with friends. The thing is, my hayfever happens exactly around this time as well – June – and that’s cruel, of course, but on the other hand I think it might be life trying to keep me attached to the ground in some way, lest I float off in my bliss (I am an air sign, after all!). I probably wouldn’t get any sleep at all in June if I wasn’t exhausted from stuffed sinuses and a buzzing head every night.

I’ve been thinking about Nova Scotia a lot recently. This time last year, I was practically vibrating with excitement about my upcoming holidays in July. I hope I’ll be able to return some time, it’s such an amazing place and I haven’t seen enough of it by far.

Tomorrow’s the Summer Solstice. Contrary to popular belief, it’s neither always on the 21st nor is it necessarily “the longest day of the year”. This year, however, it is both these things, at least here in Ireland, and so tonight I’ll be celebrating Solstice Eve and taking it a little easier with my work for once. Today’s the first of only three days which are over 17 hours long. Around the winter solstice, they’re only 7 1/2 hours – that’s nearly ten hours difference! How people can claim to not be affected by that much more daylight, is a mystery to me. It makes me buzz, drunken with happiness and bursting with energy.

This energy gets mostly invested in work these days, but that’s far less boring than it may sound. For three years in a row, I’ve been announcing (always around springtime) that I’d be growing my business, and I always got distracted and stopped working on it again. This time I’m still at it in June and I believe I’ve learned enough to stay focused and keep at it this time. Like I mentioned before, it’s simply too important to give up. Look around you, what do you see? Is the world full of joy and passion? Yeah, not so much. I’ve done a lot of deep digging in meditation and ritual, and I’ve discovered that the root of this lies so much deeper than I previously suspected. Basically, it’s all down to passion.

People who are filled with their purpose in life, don’t have time to hate on others. They’re too busy oozing love out of every buttonhole. This is what’s going to save the world, mark my words. You read it here first!

How can you help? You can help by supporting me. I’ve just started another ads campaign, which reminded me of how expensive this stuff is. Holy shit. So any free support is much appreciated! If you’d like to support a small business and earn a hag’s eternal gratitude, here’s a list of actions you could take:

  • Like my Facebook page and ideally a few of the posts on it (this is not for my ego, it’s because of “social proof” which is one of the biggest factors in marketing today).
  • Read my latest article on Pick The Brain and leave a comment.
  • Subscribe to my newsletter. Heck, you can get a free checklist and a mini e-course into the bargain if you sign up here.
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Magical forest
Magical light

I’m growing in so many ways. I’m learning to be consistent without burning myself out (this is still a work in progress, but I’m getting there!), and that’s so important if I want to actually stick with it this time. I’m learning to keep proper books and it’s actually fun. Gods, I didn’t believe I’d ever utter, write, or even think these words, but they’re true now. I’ve even finally registered my business name in Ireland, so now nobody else can be Wild Spirits Coaching in these parts! And I’m writing, blogging, coaching, and getting to touch the lives of beautiful souls who no longer believe in just living to survive and pay bills. Who choose to be joyful instead and live their purpose.

Right, shutting up now! I’m off to celebrate – mead and fresh strawberries, here I come! Incense, dancing, lots of fairies and divine beings surrounding a blissful hag – ah, midsummer…

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My Little Paradise

See the little cottage just behind the main house? That’s it.

I’ve such news! After five months of searching in vain, I finally found a new place to rent.

The downside first: It’s further away from here than I like. Then again, I searched around Gort, South Co. Galway and the Northern half of Co. Clare all the way down to Ennis and to the coast in the West, and haven’t found anything. The few places that were detached and affordable, didn’t have broadband of the quality my job requires.

Enter this new place. I had a bit of a tingly feeling about it from the start. And it’s absolutely perfect: Small, yes, but now that I’ve made the sacrifice to let go of the cutest, I don’t need more than one bedroom any more, and it’s very spacious and not at all cluttered. There’s also storage space for some of my furniture, so I won’t have to sell all of it!

The cottage is behind the main house where my completely lovely new landlord and landlady live. I can’t believe my luck, we kind of met and loved each other, they’re so sweet and kind and generous and have basically adopted me as soon as I stepped in. I’ll be completely independent, with my own meters and bills, but if anything’s the matter, they’re right there (and so is an adorable little dog I’ve threatened to  steal, hehe).

It’s just sooooo quiet. Not just detached, but in the middle of the countryside, a few houses around but at a good distance, little traffic from the road out front. I believe I’ll spend a week just sleeping when I arrive, and I can’t wait, although I’ll have plenty to do until I get there – packing, organising, disassembling furniture, and of course still working and Coaching along the way. But it’ll all be worth it. Gort is still within reach and so is East Clare, so it’s not like I’m falling off the face of the earth! As a bonus, Mayo is closer. I’ll have just about half an hour to Ballinrobe and an hour to Massbrook from now on.

For those of you who know Ireland, my new place is a few miles North of Athenry. It’s not a spectacular part of the country, but lovely all the same, with rolling green fields and little rivers. And did I mention the quiet?

So now I’m busy planning and hoping I’ll get a bit of rest in between, because I am battling the beginnings of what could be the flu. One thing I can’t afford now is sickness! So far I’ve managed to keep on top of it, I’m a little tired and fuzzy-brained but otherwise okay. I’ll just have to take things slowly for a few more days.

This morning, I drove up to the new place to pay my deposit and get the keys. My new landlady hugged me and said she couldn’t wait for me to move in! I assured her that I’m counting the days and hours. In just over two weeks, I’ll be in my own little paradise, and I’m still pinching myself because I can’t quite believe it.

Happy days!

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